I’ve now finished stitching four months of this project, and I think it’s finally time to admit something: I kind of hate it.

Scratch that. Not “kind of.” I actively detest it at this point.

Not the finished product, necessarily. I still think the completed garden will be beautiful someday. But the actual experience of stitching it? That’s another story.

I hate the fabric. It’s loose and slippery, and I swear I can feel it stretching as I stitch. More than once, I’ve used a hole that wasn’t really a hole and had to frog my work before starting over.

I hate how many colors are involved because I’m constantly switching threads. What do you mean I’m using up to FOUR different colors per day?

I hate how dense each day feels. Instead of being relaxing, stitching often feels like a chore I’m trying to power through before bed.

And honestly? I hate that I let myself fall so far behind, because now every stitching session feels less like creativity and more like trying to pay off a debt.

April’s temperatures ranged from 30.9º to 95.2º, with a 48.4º swing on April 10 alone. (I’m sure that was some crazy weather day, but unfortunately it’s so long ago that I have no recollection.) Which, honestly, feels fitting for a project that increasingly seems determined to keep me emotionally unstable through the medium of embroidery floss.

I kept waiting for this project to click the way last year’s cat temperature project did. I thought eventually I’d settle into a rhythm and finally start loving it.

Four months in, I’m starting to worry that moment may never come.

Here’s a look at four months of stitching progress. Or, depending on your perspective, four months of frustration preserved in embroidery floss.

You’ll notice I didn’t even bother ironing it before taking photos. That should tell you everything you need to know about where I’m at emotionally with this project right now.

But getting there has felt exhausting.

I think part of the problem is that this project demands constant attention. Last year’s project felt simple and meditative. This one feels fussy. Every section requires counting, thread changes, or double-checking charts and spreadsheets. Instead of helping me unwind, it sometimes leaves me more mentally tired than when I started.

And yet… I’m still stitching it.

Partly because I’ve already invested so much time into rebuilding charts and organizing spreadsheets around it. Partly because I genuinely want to see the finished garden come to life.

And partly because, according to Markup R-XP, I’ve already stitched 3,977 stitches this year. At this point, sheer stubbornness may be carrying the project more than inspiration.

But mostly because I think this project might be teaching me something important about the difference between loving an idea and loving the process.